Many of you may relate to a common theme around ‘giving’…such
as giving out of ‘obligation’.
When we give out of ‘obligation’ the common feelings
associated with it are ‘resentment,’ ‘pity,’ ‘anger,’ ‘fear’ (as in ‘if I don’t
give a present, this could happen…’)
These feelings carry – as you could imagine- negative energy
that would boomerang back at us in some form or another, bringing more of the same
negative experiences. Would you want a ‘gift’
from someone who carries such energy? If no, then, how do we deal with these
feelings?
First, notice these thoughts and feelings; by noticing them,
we are bringing them to surface (remember, the truth shall set us free).
Long deep breaths are essential.
Second, make a conscious decision to feel better; it is like
changing the channel; something like “Hmm…yep, I hear you, it sucks to feel
these negative emotions, but I want to feel better. Despite of feeling this way, I love and accept
myself anyway…and I *now* intend to feel better”…
*Nobody said it’s going to be easy. Often we experience a resistance during this
process;…if that happens notice this resistance to ‘change’ the channel…and actually
NOTICE ‘choosing’ to stay ‘mad’…don’t judge it…just set with it for a bit…
Third, once you feel ready to ‘change’ the channel, bring ‘appreciation’
as your tool. I find appreciation
essential into clearing a difficult emotion.
Be open –even if for a moment – to appreciate that this person/situation
that triggers you so much, might very well be your ‘best’ teacher…
I say to myself “Although, I don’t see it now, I am open to
feel the appreciation of whatever this person/situation is trying to teach me
about myself…”
With that thought in mind, your ‘gift’ has cleared the
negative energy …and it has become probably the most important ‘gift’ to
yourself…:) Merry Christmas!!!!
Here we were once again in the
recovery room after surgery…James was awake…and although he was on heavy pain
meds…his pain was still at a 7…Seeing him in this moment, it felt like déjà vu once
again…my heart cringed for a moment…a twelve years old memory rushed in…the
surgery that triggered all our nightmares…one mistake…one doctor…one hospital…my
son…
Although there were two other surgeries prior to “the” one…and
several more after…after that surgery, there was an intrinsic unsettling awful
feeling…like nausea…his skin looked pale…pain was continuously present…and overall,
there was not a ‘peaceful’ feeling in my heart…
Here again, those same
feelings were triggered…
Aware of the power of our thoughts
and of unhealed memories which can ‘recreate’ the past in the present, this
time, instead of ‘fighting’ and ‘avoiding’ the feelings from this memory (which
please believe me I never shared it with anyone including my counselor…)…this
time I said…”yes, thank you, I’ve been waiting for you…it’s time we heal this
memory once and for all” In that moment
of realization, while holding his hand, I bend over him slightly...while feeling
the anger and pain…immersing myself in it…allowing tears to fall…and asking for
another miracle…a shift in perception…
We’ve been in critical
situations before…but this time things were different…My son is now twelve…The
last surgery he had was when he was four…What was different?
It took the docs two days to figure
out what the problem was…and during this time the pain could not be managed
without morphine every hour…and even then, the pain would remain at a minimum 5…Seeing
my child vomiting his own stool…with uncontrollable pain…I felt powerless…I
felt somehow ‘unprepared’…Even after surgery, it took another two/three days to
have a handle on the pain…and once in a while vomiting…and nonetheless, James’s
anger took my off guard…In one moment, he would say “mom…I love you…” and a few
minutes later…be soo angry and frustrated with all the suggestions from the
nurse and myself…
It might sound cynical to some…but
I found the situation kinda comical at times…so, I would find myself smiling
and laughing while imagining sitting in the couch with my son sharing our ‘funny’
stories while ‘mimicking’ each other…
Those moments in between ‘pain’ after
his surgery, I shared with my son feeling powerless to help him…that when he
was younger somehow I could make him feel ‘better’ quicker…I felt like a ‘supermom’…James’s
answer startled me…”I know mom…I now have a ‘personality’…” I smiled and said…”yes,
sweetie…that’s right…it’s your ego evolving…”
And that was the
moment when all ‘click’ to me…
We often *wonder* about the
resilience of our children…Their recovery is quick…and spirits are awakened
faster…They don’t conscientize pain and fear…The less ‘thoughts’ and questions
about ‘how and why’, the quicker the recovery…
When our children are young (less
than five, I say), they fully trust us with their pain and fear…The better we manage
our energy and thoughts the faster the healing for our child…
I find it very important not to surround
myself with any doubtful, negative people during
these times…(I intend to expand on this in a book …personal stories…), which
is why I always dealt with my son’s situations on my own…rarely visitations…usually,
only James’ friends…
Now, I realized the
reason for my ‘powerless’ feeling…This time, I could do *NOTHING*
for my child…WITHOUT HIS *WILLING PERMISSION*…
So, coming to this realization…in
between pain moments…I said “James, fold your hand in a fist…how does it feel?”
He said “It feels tight…”…I said…”okay, do you notice any pressure?” He answered “Yes…kinda”;
I said “okay, now release your fist…how does it feel?” “Better…”…”Good, now imagine me trying to open
your fist…do you feel your own resistance? Is the pressure greater?” “Yes, I see
that...”
I said “okay, well that is how it is
with what you are going through…I feel your resistance…and in these
moments, I feel powerless to help you…I want you next time the pain increases…just
NOTICE your resistance to let go of the pain…Notice your clinching…any part of your body
(teeth, abdomen, throat, calves)….and slowly slowly…allow yourself to ‘flow’ –
like with the current of a river…’flow’ with the pain…and yes, that means you may
feel like crying, screaming...but, that’s what you need to release it…”
I felt compelled to have this
conversation with him because I noticed he was taking ‘pride’ about ‘fighting’
pain without tears…yet, the moaning…cringing of his body…the anger…all these
told me he was ‘resisting’ his own body…which did not allow the release of pain
and thus faster ‘healing’…
From this moment, I
felt again connected with my child…we were working together…
Before being released from the
hospital, one of the doctors said while shaking my hand…”It is so good to see
how well you two work together…” after challenging a team of doctors in adding
a pick line in his artery to give him ‘nutrition’ when my instinct was telling
me his body was in ‘stress’ caused by constant ‘bugging’ and interruption and tremendous
amounts of antibiotics, pain medications, etc…he has been administered for over
a week…and then, asking to stop any IV ‘sh*t’ of *fabricated* enzymes …Once
they stopped it all…my son began to eat…walk…pain less and less…
By the way, I believe that all
these meds can have a good purpose…but often knowing when to ‘stop’ them is the
‘key’…From dealing with so many doctors and hospitals over the years, my
observation is, most doctors/staff use a ‘clinical’ approach to solve problems…which
more often than not prolongs a person sickening condition…That is why is
important we, parents, know when to speak up our inner intuition…and of course,
know when is intuition and when is ‘self-projection…’
Although this past two
weeks might have seemed like a setback for us…to me…to both of us, it has been
an amazing journey of overcoming past ‘hurdles’ (I didn’t mention them all)…and
truly practicing ‘intuition’…I am now…leaving my ‘true’ purpose…of healing…
How often do we make a decision and feel good
about it;…yet soon after doubting voices raise
up in the background saying something like “We need to accept people for who
they are…” raising thus, doubts within ourselves…
But how can we accept someone for who they
are within our space, when whatever we witness is a breach of personal
integrity? Is being quiet and ignoring a behavior that does not feel good to
us, the right thing to do?
Well, not long ago, I made some hard decisions
to let go of some “friends”…I felt good about it for a while…but soon after, doubtful
thoughts came in full force…In these moments, I seek God for gaining clarity
and confirmation…
Within a couple of days, while watching an episode
of The Closer show, I had a Eureka moment!
The plot was about the murder of a man described
by his close family and friends as a disappointment, a liar, addicted to
gambling, ruining anything he touches, etc…Nobody regretted his death…
It turned out that he was killed by his “best
friend”…The one who always “stood” by him, bail him out from any
disaster…etc…So, what happened?…Remember, he was a gambler…and one of his
gambling rituals had been to play his family members b-days twice a week…with
borrowed money…for over ten years…
And you guessed right, once again the “good
friend” loans him the money to make yet another bet…and he wins hundreds of
millions…
When this “good, reliable friend” was asked why
he killed his so called “best friend”…he answered…”I was not going to let him
be a millionaire with my own money…he didn’t deserve it…he used people all his
life…he is a waste to society…”
In this story, the reliable friend absorbed all
the negative energy/kharma from his unlikable friend…turning all resentment
accumulated over the years into rage…
Wow…this was my confirmation…
How often do we entertain “friendships” …we hold
onto them…beating ourselves up if we resist…and yet, when we think of this
“person” and when in contact with this “person”…we feel like all the energy is
sucked out of us…feeling bad about ourselves (for apparently judging them, not
being supportive) and of course, by what we are enabling through our mere “silence”
to what we are witnessing…
I admit in the name of “niceness” and desire to
be “accepted” I entertained often such friendships…these friendships build
resentment within ourselves…and slowly, slowly we live out of lack of
integrity…”e.g, We think/feel one thing…but we Do another…”
And here is the key…how we let go of these
friendships makes all the difference…and the earlier we are able to recognize
it, the better the results…
By blessing their path!…Yes, that’s right…
What we bless in another, we bless for
ourselves…
So, letting go of someone we have absolute no
control over…(neither we want to)and blessing their path, we allow healing to
take place for ourselves and better chance to inspire change in them…Inspiring
change only comes from leaving congruently in personal integrity.
There is a belief out there…cruising its way around…I call it a myth…such as that “men “ are “easy”…men are “simple”…:)
Over the years I raised/cared for three dogs and two cats…(my exes are excluded, sorry I had to say this…lol)…
I recall my
interaction with my dogs…dogs are supposed to be easy to please…right?
My ex husband would say “they are dogs…they don’t need clean up and
clean blankets, good food, etc…)
Well, let me tell you…that all my “male” pets (four out of five) end up being the most pretentious…;) How come?
I admit feeling good
in a neat and clean environment…and, when I came into the picture, [true dat] the two pets my ex already had appeared not to care for cleanliness…etc…they
acted like dogs…:)
Well, once I came into the picture, and I would wash one of their beds
[for example] guess what…the male pet always pushed out the female…so
he could be in the cleaner bed…:) the same with the bowls of food…!
And who would always avoid the water puddles? Of course, the male dog …he displayed the most adorable tip toe walks ever! :)
And did I mention this pet was a half coyote and half lab dog used to
hunting and leaving it “rough”…a pure alpha, beating up and winning always all
fights?
Yes, I do hear you…what’s the point…this is “simple” and “easy”…:) and I say…nope…it is not…
They “were” simple and easy…for as long as they were treated and thought of as simple and easy… In the moment I began treating
them as “humans”…their own expectations of themselves raised up…and desired better…
And here is
my point: when it comes to the myth that men are “simple” and “easy”…It
is all a big lie and an awful excuse…and not to forget about the
limiting possibilities we place upon ourselves and men…because, as long
as we believe that’s all men can be and do for themselves…we are indeed
“settling”…and in that case darlings, let us not complain…:)
But I do
know…I don’t want “easy” and “simple’…cause I would sure be bored like
heck with a man like that…So, let’s not settle…and raise the bar a notch :)
Today, a sweet memory returned while reading someone's comment about fear and my response to it, where I said “When I feel fear, I try to focus on what I want…and
believe with my entire being in the outcome, how I want it to unfold” …
A couple of years
ago, my son attended after school Basketball practice …I thought it would be a
good thing for him to learn (mind you he never played before), and burn some
energy prior to coming home…He resisted at first…
Sports don’t appear to be his
favorite activity…I suspect this is part due to his fear and perceived limitation as a
result of the physical needs he’s been dealing with since surviving cancer;…and
yet, I believe otherwise…such as that he can do anything (yes, I don’t agree
with doctors and anyone who has limiting beliefs about my son or anyone
considered different for that matter)…
My son reluctantly
agreed…and for the first month, every time I would pick him up after practice,
he would feel pretty down…I would let him vent his
frustration about missing the shots. At times, there were even tears and anger,
desire to quit…and yes, not being as tall as his peers added to his
frustration…Two months passed, and my son had no success in making the hoops.
And then, there was
the final competition with another school…he was soo fearful…of looking
ridiculous, not being able to help his team win…and so on…I admit at times, I
would feel tired and frustrated hearing the endless whining…but, I would find
myself smiling a lot at the silliness and not for a minute stopping to believe
in him…
The day of the
competition came…I met his team and gym instructor just before the “games”…His
face lit up seeing me …I gave him a hug and told him “Don’t worry…you will do
great! First and foremost, have fun! I believe in you!”
And here comes the
most anticipated moment: my son’s turn to shoot the hoop for his team…and guess
what…He nails it! And then another, another…and another…Not one missed!
No exaggeration! Everyone from his school was shocked and surprised…and of
course, my son too…except me! His face was glowing looking to find me in the
crowd…and I was already standing up with pride…this is my son!!!! :)
It is hard to express
the intensity of my pride and joy I experienced in that moment… I admit feeling
tearful as I write about it…I do remember though, I believed in that
moment with my entire being…I imagined how it would feel to witness my son’s
breakthrough of a limiting belief! I know that one successful experience
would help him manifest another, and another, and another…in all areas of his
life.
This story reminds me
that while sometime we don’t believe in ourselves, we fear our greatness, we
fear to be seen, having others believe in us and holding our hand through our
resistance…is all it takes for a breakthrough!
I recently had a
conversation with a girlfriend about certain insecurities we, women, experience
during intimacy with men…
Disclosure: some
parts are intentionally exaggerated for dramatization purposes…if you want to
know what parts, please register below and leave a comment :)
Darlings, have you
ever been in an intimate moment with a man, let’s say, laying n*ked next to him
after just having a passionate love making moment? You feel relaxed,
content…while cuddling and watching some TV show, movie, video…and all of the
sudden, the man says “Man, She’s Hot…”with an intense look on his face…
referring to one of the Stars female
on the screen…
The “Acting Cool”
me…would suck it up…maybe say nothing or become his buddy and agree with him
“Oh, ya…she’s hot…lol [hint: “LOL” is often used as a good cover up for stuffed
feelings :) ]”
The “Being Cool”
me…checks how she deeply feels hearing this man talk about another woman…(we
want authenticity, remember?) before grabbing her shoe and giving him a good
smack…lol…Okay, okay…really, just kidding here…but you get my point…
A while back, I had
that happen. I told him ”Wow…this feels kinda bad…here I am naked next to
you, feeling a bit vulnerable and it doesn’t feel good hearing another woman is
hot.” He responded “What’s with women tripping and all jealous when
a man is honest? I don’t like it when women are so insecure (meaning I
was insecure)…” [Hint: don’t talk on a 3rd person, when I am
next to you, especially n*ked…there will be no seconds ;)]
Well, while I totally
understood his need to be appreciated for his honesty…my needs to be
acknowledged and appreciated as the woman – n*ked next to him, giving him
pleasure…were not reciprocated either …:) so, nobody was happy in that moment…lol
What I was thinking
at the time was “Wow…here I am n*ked next to this id*ot which means I
also am an id*ot…and it sounds as if he is settling with me…that if
he could afford this “Star” woman he would of course, choose her…but he can’t
because he is a moron…and of course, now I am a moron too by association…and
here I am sooo pissed off and turned off…”
From my view, one is
to say to a woman …”Man, X is hot”…and another is to say…”I like her eyes, or
hair, legs (or hairy legs lol), or the dress looks good on her…” because I, the
naked woman next to him, can immediately tell myself “Okay, I can fix this, I
can buy this, I can grow this…” not that I would, lol;
I know
when I sense a bit of jealousy towards another woman…I also see an opportunity
for improvement and growth…whether at a physical level or even better at an
emotional level by giving self-love and acceptance to the parts of me that feel
vulnerable and unloved…
Otherwise, had it not been for this lovely, honest
man next to me being sooo specific about what “hot” means to him…I could
have missed this awesome growing opportunity...;)
To accept this man
for his “as*hole” moments…I have to honor my feelings and express
them…otherwise, resentment will build up…In these moments, people make
choices…some choose to grow together from the experience…others move
on…Speaking our truth means honoring ourselves…and only from this place we can
honor another…
So Darlings, Don’t
Act Cool…Be Cool…and now, you know what I mean :)
