I recently had a
conversation with a girlfriend about certain insecurities we, women, experience
during intimacy with men…
Disclosure: some
parts are intentionally exaggerated for dramatization purposes…if you want to
know what parts, please register below and leave a comment :)
Darlings, have you
ever been in an intimate moment with a man, let’s say, laying n*ked next to him
after just having a passionate love making moment? You feel relaxed,
content…while cuddling and watching some TV show, movie, video…and all of the
sudden, the man says “Man, She’s Hot…”with an intense look on his face…
referring to one of the Stars female
on the screen…
The “Acting Cool”
me…would suck it up…maybe say nothing or become his buddy and agree with him
“Oh, ya…she’s hot…lol [hint: “LOL” is often used as a good cover up for stuffed
feelings :) ]”
The “Being Cool”
me…checks how she deeply feels hearing this man talk about another woman…(we
want authenticity, remember?) before grabbing her shoe and giving him a good
smack…lol…Okay, okay…really, just kidding here…but you get my point…
A while back, I had
that happen. I told him ”Wow…this feels kinda bad…here I am naked next to
you, feeling a bit vulnerable and it doesn’t feel good hearing another woman is
hot.” He responded “What’s with women tripping and all jealous when
a man is honest? I don’t like it when women are so insecure (meaning I
was insecure)…” [Hint: don’t talk on a 3rd person, when I am
next to you, especially n*ked…there will be no seconds ;)]
Well, while I totally
understood his need to be appreciated for his honesty…my needs to be
acknowledged and appreciated as the woman – n*ked next to him, giving him
pleasure…were not reciprocated either …:) so, nobody was happy in that moment…lol
What I was thinking
at the time was “Wow…here I am n*ked next to this id*ot which means I
also am an id*ot…and it sounds as if he is settling with me…that if
he could afford this “Star” woman he would of course, choose her…but he can’t
because he is a moron…and of course, now I am a moron too by association…and
here I am sooo pissed off and turned off…”
From my view, one is
to say to a woman …”Man, X is hot”…and another is to say…”I like her eyes, or
hair, legs (or hairy legs lol), or the dress looks good on her…” because I, the
naked woman next to him, can immediately tell myself “Okay, I can fix this, I
can buy this, I can grow this…” not that I would, lol;
I know
when I sense a bit of jealousy towards another woman…I also see an opportunity
for improvement and growth…whether at a physical level or even better at an
emotional level by giving self-love and acceptance to the parts of me that feel
vulnerable and unloved…
Otherwise, had it not been for this lovely, honest
man next to me being sooo specific about what “hot” means to him…I could
have missed this awesome growing opportunity...;)
To accept this man
for his “as*hole” moments…I have to honor my feelings and express
them…otherwise, resentment will build up…In these moments, people make
choices…some choose to grow together from the experience…others move
on…Speaking our truth means honoring ourselves…and only from this place we can
honor another…
So Darlings, Don’t
Act Cool…Be Cool…and now, you know what I mean :)
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