Gotcha! Yep, a catchy
phrase isn’t? :)
I’ve lived on the West Coast of the
United States for over seventeen years and only dated for the past six…Earlier
this year, I listened to a male coach describing men on the West Coast as the
most “feminine” and “lazy” in dating…Yep…I had a big smile on my face…For a short
moment I felt validated for my frustration and yet, I felt sad and discouraged
from ever finding a man with masculine traits in this part of the world…:(
Once in a while I run
across someone that would express the preference of “going Dutch” on a “date”,
or don’t offer to buy anything…and very rarely one would flat out ask you to
buy them a drink…
In the past, I admit
being open to this kind of exchange…yet, only few men understood my hidden
agenda …and I call these men, truly manly men…and very attractive in my book …One in
particular told me…”I am offended when you ask if I have enough money and want
to pitch in…why do you do that? So you can find an excuse to ditch me at your
liking?” I felt shocked at his insight!
He was right…by doing
my fair share of paying for myself and/or my date …allowed me to keep control
…I know some of you would read this and say…”huh?...what’s wrong with
that?” Well, it’s all good if you are only interested in sex and
nothing serious…but, it never allowed me (feeling wise) to create the real
heart to heart connection with a man…
Specifically, every
time I would do “take care of me” and or him, I would feel sooo turned off and
disconnected from the man in front of me that any chance for romance died instantly…And
if you don’t believe me, I suggest to look at your past relationships and
current relationships…if the woman you are with is constantly “unhappy” and
“nagging” and she pays her fare share, over-functioning in the
relationship (makes the dates, makes the suggestions, tells you where, how, and
why, becomes controlling), I can tell you with certainty there is resentment
building up…and respect towards her man diminishes every day…and in turn, you
begin to feel the same way towards her…
Don’t take me wrong, I
believe in being generous…and those who know me, I am very generous (I love
cooking, creating a romantic setting, buying gifts, and yes, sometimes take my
man out to dinner if he is my man…but not to “get him” to become my man)…but I
also believe in generosity from the heart…there is no expectation attached to
it…When a man does something expecting next time I would do something for him,
that feels awful and icky :( and without saying it…it translates through his energy…(for a better
description, think of the word “asshole”)
So recently, someone
apparently thought it would be “assertive” and “cute” to say he would like me
to buy him a drink (okay, that’s me in “His business” assuming what he was
thinking :) );…
With a shock on my
face and a forced smile, and after a good smack upside the head (just kidding
..lol)…I said “Oh…you wanna be my bitch tonite?” Yep, I did say that…:(
And guess what, I am
not proud about it…I used joking and sarcasm to cover up my underlying feelings
such as “uncomfortable, turned off…and yes, feeling darn angry…”
A while back, I made a
promise to myself to be true to my feelings and honor them at all times…healing
old patterns takes time…baby steps in that direction…sigh …:(
I truly believe the
woman holds the heart in the relationship...An unhappy heart makes it for an
unhappy relationship…and if you don’t believe me…I can only encourage you to
begin to notice…and this makes it for a good start to allowing real joy in your
love life…
