~Trust~

I was recently asked whether I know what I want…Earlier this year, I created a list with qualities I desire in a man...and about the same time, I also worked on creating a list of qualities for the relationship I want along with  a list of qualities I want to possess for myself…

I recall feeling extremely challenged creating the list.  I stumbled…Everything that came to mind, at first, was what “I don’t want”…I really struggled getting to what “I do want…”  I felt awfully uncomfortable with the question…I felt fear, judgments…and behind them…a sense of feeling unworthy and guilty asking for what “I do want”…My inner voices were screaming “How dare u? Who do you think you are?”  “People like You don’t deserve it…” “What are you giving to deserve getting?”   Arghhhhh….Sigh…

But I pushed through these negative voices (aka NVs) and I challenged myself a bit further;…and to each quality listed about my partner, I asked myself: do I possess this quality?  And boy, there were a few I stumbled upon…one was “trust”…because it goes something like this: You want trust…You must be trusting…; You want love…you must be loving…; and so on…

But how do we get to be trusting, when everywhere and everything reminds us of betrayals and a hurtful past? These triggers only fuel the pain inside…and yet, I always knew there is hope…

Trust comes from within…Learning to trust Self begins when feelings are honored by first being recognized for what they are; for being brought to surface; there are no pretenses (oh, I don’t care, I am okay…blah, blah, blah; it’s not my problem; what a jerk, etc…); feelings must be self-owned (“I am responsible for my feelings” gives a sense of self-empowerment); only from this place of authenticity, healthy boundaries can be expressed and enforced…

We know healthy boundaries are present when we feel gentle and caring during and after we express them…There is no blame, no guilt, no fear…There is Peace Within…

When we focus on what we don’t want…the Universe hears only our limitations…what we are saying is ”I don’t want my past”…as a result, we deprive ourselves from living in the present…nor believe in a future…because we are too focused on not “recreating” the past…