When someone says or does something that doesn’t feel good to me, I often experience feelings such as sadness, disappointment, turned off, and maybe even anger…but what I also discovered recently, in certain instances, there is also Fear…
Fear that somehow something about me triggered the other person…and promoted the abusive language and/or behavior. Why the self-blame and why taking responsibility for someone’s bad behavior?
Now I know…there is a breach in my Emotional Boundaries, that’s why…The fear comes up where there is at least one history of “bad” behavior that I “ignored” and/or “pretended” it did not exist or I minimized it, even though it felt bad (with this person or even someone else)…So, my subconscious is “inviting” this person through my energy to capitalize on my vulnerable points – of guilt and/or shame…
This is how toxic relationships begin…when we give up our boundaries to accommodate someone else’s..and disregard our primal instincts which often come up as feeling icky…uncomfortable…anxious…pressured…
How can we stop recreating and attracting such experience(s)? Healing our subconscious…by giving attention, acceptance, and love to the original act that initiated the feeling(s)…And of course, next time, Stop…Feel… Express…and then, Act.
