His fingers were resting in my hand…I would gently close it and wrap his little fingers into mine. It was time...The fluids were about to begin dripping into his IV port, then slowly into his veins and his entire small body. Closing my eyes, I allowed myself to feel, and feel…the poison dripping into my son…I felt sick, dizzy, and every time, I wanted to scream of pain and anger…and I did…inside…tears would flow like rivers…but letting go was not an option…and it will never be for me…
Today, this picture that I often want to put to rest came back…My best friend’s daughter has had a different, yet a similar life and death battle…she just relapsed to drugs again…and she is just 16. I feel overwhelmed by emotions like anger, pain, and frustration…and wished I could just hold her tight and take away all the pain/anger she is feeling...
Wishing to help, I attempt to understand the situation again. She has been in and out of rehab for two years…and endless, expensive outside therapy and counseling…none of which seems to work…The bottom line, mom and daughter personalities seem to clash every time…and mom can’t handle her daughter’s situation…
Having my own painful experiences with my child and often going with him emotionally to feel what he is/was experiencing (even now)…has created a wonderful bond between us…a spiritual realm of healing that it is hard to describe…
Trying to understand/feel my girlfriend’s situation with her daughter, I feel a disconnection between the two of them…I feel extremely sad...and I feel guilty for having judgmental thoughts about the situation…but yet, often times, I see how many parents stop/ refuse to grow/experience/understand the complicated world we created for our children...How often do we hear the youth feeling disconnected from us? Is it really them disconnected from us or we are disconnected from them???? Who is the adult in this “relationship”?
Recognizing and appreciating their curiosity, innocent spirit, desire to be successful, requires adult ownership for what we say and do…Our children will model our behavior…and without positive mentoring and guidance, we lose them to immature influences (which often are their peers and immature adults). Our children want/seek our opinions about everything…and we better own up to their expectation…and recognize, admit, when we are not ready to answer, or don’t have an opinion…
My son will soon reach twelve years old mark…I already begin to feel the peer pressure and the need to be accepted, liked…The next four to six years are extremely critical…I believe it is the period when we could lose them to their peers…This is the time, when no money, no social status, no “man/woman” should replace the time we spend with our children…Sleepovers for our kids have been become too common these days…and yet, the most dangerous environments.
If my son were to get into drugs it would likely mean, somehow, somewhere, he and I got disconnected…The mother in me would have to reach the lowest point with him…to get him back…even if that would mean I would be doing the drugs he is doing…and he sure knows that!!! Right now, I just pray that God has mercy on us…
